I read this article today, and it is exactly what I needed to hear. This is something I have always struggled with. I often wonder if I am giving something up because its the right choice, or its just pesky resistance rearing its ugly head. It has taken me over a month to wrap my head around all that's been on my mind, but some things are clearer now. First, I have to be honest, the art fair last month was a huge disappointment. I felt like a failure and for weeks I crawled back into my shell of "not good enough". In the midst of planning a wedding and buying a house the realization that I have to get another full-time job hit hard. I blamed myself for not doing well enough in my art career to do it full-time. I dreaded thinking about working yet another job for 40 hours a week that I hated and that took time away from my dreams. I struggled. I avoided my art desk and made only one small painting.
What it's taken me the past month to realize is that no matter what is going on in the outside world, I have to be committed to my goals. Resistance always has an excuse as to why not. I knew (although secretly hoped it wouldn't be true) that my time of painting all day and starting my business wouldn't last forever right away. Most people who have a similar career to the one I dream of worked full-time for a year or two while they ran their business part time. I knew that when I quit my job. I didn't think (okay, maybe hoped) that I would have a successful business that payed all the bills overnight. I don't regret quitting my job, because it truly drained me and was not a good fit. I am so thankful for the time off I've had. It was truly a luxury and I made a lot of progress. It is still my dream to be a full-time artist, and its something I intended to keep working towards. These past couple weeks have made me realize the practical and realistic side of things, and I know now that finding a full-time job in a good environment (for me that is working days and where it is bright and quiet) will free up a lot of worry and anxiety I've been feeling. I can use that energy towards my dream career.
Letting go feels like moving forward. I feel like this weight has been lifted and I can truly keep moving forward with life and my dreams.